Too much (again)

Look at the sky I’m falling from
Holes burned from the mourning sun
Shut your eyes to the light, pretend
That I never existed in your hands
Only drawn on a wall of your mind
Where the cracks deepen with time
Pieces of me stumbling around you
I broke your perfect atmosphere

Underneath it she was beautiful
But the night came to drift inside
And ugliness seeped into her skin
Pulled from that hole close to hell
Life wraps around her skin to suck
As her body breaks inside the wind
The sun will come back tomorrow
But with nothing of her left to burn

The wind carriers her ashes away
But it’s all done, take your time
The time that deepened the wounds
And made you breathe my heart in
Your precious walls stand quiet
She and I are stumbling inside
Precious sweet surrender I do
And become the ugly death in you
Brighten this dark mourning please
I’ll breathe for you and be beautiful
Quietly, I close my eyes and pretend

It’s still being worked on.

33

of your healing wings death only needs to

So I walk and fall, bleeding on the perfect skin that is you. And when you turn away, the sun dies and a part of me dies too.. When will you come and take me back to yesterday, back inside the dreams we tainted to make ours. Why can’t you be that beautiful innocence that fell from the stars, that angel that saved me from tearing myself apart. Why can’t you break my heart into a thousand pieces and put them in the right order.? The pain that is etched in your face can be filled in with hate and bitterness, but the sorrow you will never be able to wash away. I will lay my hands down on you and hope you feel this through my finger tips. I am sleeping and I will never wake up again. The lights dim and I am swept into the thing I fear, for I am afraid to hate someone that maybe I loved or could love or will never love, but wonder. The aura pales and the color bleeds out.. How can I figure out how to feel and at the same time preserve myself. I never want to slip away inside someone and become a part of them.. But at the same time I can’t understand how I became so scared to be alone in there.. Inside someone. Or am I afraid to be alone at all.. The pain only sharpens with each passing breath that is a thought of a memory that once was a beautiful moment.. But the beauty was caught and in my hands, they always die.. I don’t want to hurt and I don’t want to hurt anyone else but somehow it seems I’m destined to break myself inside someone else and make them bleed the way I’ve always bleed, and then maybe I’ll be complete…

*rambles*
where you fed me to your ego the rest of me slept softly in the light as you took my hand and me away toward the nothingness of being like you then you let me fall onto this child she broke my fall and slowly died as i lay covered in her pain and blood you twisted and push me in if ever there was a reason to murder a dream it is me as i fall into walking away when i looked into a mirror i saw every imperfection you’d drawn on my face and when i looked at you i felt all the world drop and blow away happiness is how i feel to not feel at all and be half dead all that can change will break in me i fall a little further then it’s over the hour shaped around us closing us in at the end you i and the hour weak fragile breaths followed us even the wind seemed depressed the world turned black, fading still your eyes made my words run and hide while with your thoughts you swallowed me how could the hour stop at this throwing you away and darkness on me so helpless against the cold wind settling death on my weak skin numbing you so you won’t bleed that much when time runs and takes you out of me free me of your healing wings death only needs to take me yet even still i can’t protect and i know without me you’ll find the way i am helpless against the cold wind desires that grow from protecting you as wind pushes death to settle on my skin but numbs you to make you part of it you won’t bleed that much as you leave me when time runs taking you out of me parting from your healing wings i cry and finally the world collapses on top of me i didn’t exist until you traced my shape made my skin with the touch of your hands your face as beautiful as it was when the moon drew your image on the walls of my mind I died somewhere inside you but you still hear me scream your name haunted and if it’s not too late come to my bed side and take my hand

Poetry April 19 2003

Burning stars I try to name as they fall
Sacrifice myself to condemn you to me
Letting my heart break under your flesh
You use me and I am gone in a breath
As I say the names in my hands again
Recalling the tenderness they tore down
Words take their place wearing promises
And I happily fall in to glassy hell
Hell in your eyes and in your touch
But my skin thinks you are heaven
I can’t remember your name right now
Or are you another night thought
Telling me someday I will find a way
To cut into myself deep enough
And kill this softening pain
Half of what I aspired to become
Is what you stole to conquer me
The rest you inhaled and kissed
To hurt me and kill your pain
You’re cold but not like before
My heart tears and I have to stay
The night is throwing up stars now
As I wait for the sun to murder me
It doesn’t help and I begin to freeze
In the end of the perfectly black night
I fall trying to merge with parts of you
Repeating death between my finger tips
Your skin covers my lifelessness
You breathe long enough to listen
And hear me scream out your name

NO LONGER

[Evil isn’t beautiful anymore]

[Evil isn’t beautiful anymore]

Cutting the pain out of her mind
The memory that made me jerk still
The flowers drowned inside of you
And all I could do was turn you off
You’re powerless to stop the flood
The breaking down will shut you out
There is no where to follow but down
Inside you with the bodies of angels
Dip your hands into me and taste it
Memories of her fellow thoughts cry
All that is dead is all I sleep in